Me: Eli, you are going to try out your new private school today. You will be there for 3 hours.
Eli: Mommy, I am so excited.
Me: You can’t walk in there and sing "I'm sexy and I know it". You also need to go to the bathroom if you need to pass gas. Your farts seem to turn into poop these days.
Eli: What if I dance like this?
Me: No, they do not want to see you spank your fanny or do the sprinkler dance.