Dirty Digits

Eli:  Mommy, come in the bathroom now!  I peed on my monster finger and it is stuck on my real finger.  Come get it off my hand.

Sweet Dreams Little Chicken

Me:  Eli your teacher wrote in your notebook you were making weird noises in class?

Eli:  Yes Mommy, sometimes I make chicken noises while she is talking.

Me:  Quit clucking while she is talking.  Go sit in your time out chair.

Two Great Combinations

Eli:  Mommy come and rub my feet.

Me: I am not giving you a foot massage while you’re pooping on the toilet.

Eli:  But Mommy it would feel good to have a foot rub and poop at the same time.

 

See No Evil

Me:  What are you doing?

Eli:  I’m closing my eyes to get rid of my fears.

Me:  Is it working?

Eli:  Not yet, because you keep talking.

The Pickup Artist

Eli:  Mommy the teacher told us to draw something funny.

Me:  Show me what you did.

Eli:  It's a boy Christmas tree saying "Heeeeeeeey Lady" and then the girl Christmas tree is slapping him.

Faces of Death

Eli:  Mommy you got me in trouble today at school!

Me:  What did I do?

Eli:  You put these jeans on me this morning and they said I can't wear them at a Christian school.

Me:  Honey I thought I put all of your death/skeleton/pirate wear on the other side of the closet.

Eli:  Well you must have accidentally grabbed the wrong pants Mommy.

Me:  Will move your devil britches to the appropriate corner.

The Next Airbender

Doctor:  Well Eli has strep, double ear infection, and pneumonia in his left lung.

Eli:  Mommy we have to go now.  There is a puddle in the parking lot and I need to practice my "Airbender" moves.