HBD

Eli:  Mommy I am so excited to give you the birthday present I drew for you!

Me:  Wow.

Eli:  It’s a RedBull and cigarette.  I was going to draw a glass of wine with it but you only drank when you were young and pretty.  Didn’t want to make you feel bad.

Me: Well, thank you.  I do like other things too.

Eli:  I know you love me and daddy and the dogs but that is just too much to draw.

Me:  You put a great deal of work and thinking into this one.

Eli:  I call it “Birthday Addictions” and signed it saying you are the best mom in the world.

The "Like" Button

Eli:  Mommy I had lunch with my teacher today?

Me:  Did you let her eat?

Eli:  It was just me and her.

Me:  Hummm…what did y’all talk about?

Eli:  I told her about the lemonade?

Me:  What lemonade?

Eli:  You know Mommy when we went to the restaurant and I accidentally drank Daddy’s drink that had alcohol in it?

Me:  It was a sip.

Eli:  Told her it was the first time I got drunk and I liked it.

Username and Password

Teacher:  Mrs. Kurtz this is the school.

Me:  What’s going on?

Teacher:  Eli got in trouble today and had to meet with the principal.

Me:  Okay…

Teacher:  Eli hacked into another student’s email and sent inappropriate emails.

Me:  How inappropriate?

Teacher:  They said “You can’t hide.  I am watching you”.

Me:  I see.  Hacked?

Teacher:  Username and password.

Me:  (Would be so impressed if this was code) Well, that’s not good.

Teacher:  He will not be allowed to use email for the month of May.

Me:  Fair enough.

Teacher:  He also couldn’t get through his math test because he was crying because of the emails.

Me:  Yep, sounds about right.

Teacher:  He said his stomach hurt because you gave him bad pizza last night.

Me:  Errrrr

Teacher:  Asked the nurse to check on him and she said he is just sad and wants to come home.

Me:  Home will be a sad place as well.

Egg Hunt

Me:  See you decorated an Easter egg at school.

Eli:  Yep, isn’t it awesome?

Me:  Can’t say I have ever seen a design like this on an egg.

Eli:  Well, at the top is Donald Trump and it says “Boo” and “Moo”.

Me:  It looks like him.  Why “Moo”?

Eli:  Because it sounds like that when everyone yells “Boo”.

Me:  True.

Eli:  The money in the middle says “In Pre-K we don’t trust”.

Me:  Yes, see the baby drawn in the middle of the dollar bill.

Eli:  Stay calm so drink your coffee at the bottom and Jesus on one side and the other side is “Under Construction”.

Me:  So you went for the political/social commentary design?

Eli:  That’s how I roll Mommy.

Being Boss

Eli:  Mommy, I have some good news and bad news this morning.

Me:  Okay…

Eli:  The good news is I got myself dressed super fast.  When Daddy came in the room, he thought I was still asleep.  I jumped out of the bed and yelled, “Who’s the boss now!”

Me:  Great news.

Eli:  And, now the bad news.  

Me:  Yes, this is the part I have been waiting for.

Eli:  Well I didn’t want Daddy to see me so I peed in the trashcan.

Me:  What?

Eli:  He would see me if I ran to the bathroom so I just peed in the trashcan behind my door.

Me:  You lost your boss status.